After Darren and I got engaged, we started joking about how engaged and married people "fall off the planet," or disappear. At least, from the standpoint of a single person, that's what engaged and married people do. They put on that ring, and then disappear--just like Frodo in "Lord of the Rings."
What I didn't realize at the time was that when you get married, all of your single friends disappear. When I had been married for a few months, it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't have friends anymore. Sure, Darren is my best friend, and I'd usually rather be around him than anyone else, but sometimes I needed girl time, you know? I no longer had five other girls to play with and cry with, and stay up late digging into chocolate ice cream with. No one to give me advice about which top I should wear with which skirt on Sundays. No one to excitedly sit on the couch with me through all seven hours of Anne of Green Gables, and giggle girlishly at Gilbert.
And it's not just girl time that I've missed. Some of the greatest friends I've ever had have been guys. And I've found that those are some of the friendships I've missed the most. Unfortunately, those are also the friendships that have the potential for being a little inappropriate if you try to keep them up. For the past little while I've been thinking about a certain guy that I dated a few years ago, wondering how he's doing and what he's up to. I still really care about him. Not romantically, of course, but as a good friend. I've had the urge to contact him again and catch up, and I have to stop myself, because I don't think it would be entirely appropriate. Darren has mentioned that he feels the same way about some girls he's dated in the past, and we've talked about how sad it is that there are some friends that you can never really be friends with again.
So, sometimes you just have to let it go. Just let it go. And that's hard for me.
On the other hand, there are some of my old friends from high school, singles wards, and the music department, that I've been able to keep in contact with. Things can never be the same as they used to be, back in the "good ol' days," but it still feels good to see a message from them occasionally, or to get a phone call, and to know that there's somebody out there who still cares about you the same way you do about them.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."--Dr. Seuss
I feel the same way! Life will never be what it used to be and that makes me sad sometimes. Especially where it involves my family. They always change and it will never be what I thought it was when I was a kid. All the more reason to enjoy the moments we have while they last. When I look at Celia I try to memorize in my mind how she looks at that moment because I know it won't come again. It certainly makes waking up in the middle of the night easier. :)
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